Parents and Children I. Base Text: Ephesians 6:1-4 II. Context A. Paul writes to the Ephesians, perhaps other churches as an encyclical, ca. 57-59 while imprisoned B. Specific context introduced in Ephesians 5:1-2, 17-21 1. Even in authority situations, all parties subject themselves to one another 2. Service to one another essential, as Jesus served all of us (John 3:16, 13:1-11) C. Paul first speaks of Christ and the church and husbands as wives as mutually reinforcing illustrations (Ephesians 5:22-33) D. Paul then moves on to the parent and child relationship III. Children: Ephesians 6:1-3 A. Establishment to obey parents, for it is right 1. Natural order of things! 2. Parents have wisdom, knowledge, experience 3. Note that Paul gives no age limit; parents remain parents even after children are older than 18! B. "in the Lord" 1. Possible conflicts if parents not Christians 2. Must obey God and not man when a conflict arises (Acts 5:29) C. Ephesians 6:2-3: re-iteration of law from 10 commandments 1. Exodus 20:12 2. Indeed, first commandment with a promise 3. Basis of promise: some infractions did lead to death; mostly though because attitudes of honoring parents lead to well-adjusted persons who respect authority and have good boundaries set 4. Those who respect their parents tend to have it go well with them 5. Often, those who do not have it go wrong for them D. Children, then, are called upon to obey their parents, for they are striving to do the best they can for you (cf. Hebrews 12:9-10) E. Honoring parents goes beyond just listening to them until 18 1. Consider Matthew 15:3-6 2. Jesus' specific critique involves the Pharisees giving children a way out of providing financially for their parents 3. To "honor" one's father and mother therefore does not end at 18; the relationship ought to be maintained throughout life, and when the time comes when parents cannot function as independently due to advanced age, the responsibility of their care falls upon their children! 4. This is not well recognized in society today; older parents are treated as if disposable, to be put into nursing homes and such things, too often forgotten 5. This is not honoring one's father and mother, and Christians ought to model what it means to honor father and mother by providing necessary care whenever possible and feasible, and helping to sponsor necessary care they cannot personally provide (also cf. 1 Timothy 5:8, 16)! IV. Parents: Ephesians 6:4 A. "Fathers, do not provoke your children" 1. Notice that the impetus of parenting is on the father 2. As the head of house, he is responsible for the parenting choices! 3. Mothers have their role, of course (Titus 2:4), but it is not a one-parent job! 4. As with husbands and wives, so parents and children a. Husbands are to cherish and take care of their wives; parents are to likewise nurture and support children b. Discipline should not be overbearing and children do not deserve mental and emotional cruelty c. If there is overbearing discipline there will be later repercussions B. "bring them up" 1. Children can grow up on their own and influenced by others 2. Instead, God expects Christian parents to be active in raising the child 3. The only way you can provide direction is if you're involved in the process! C. "in the discipline of the Lord" 1. Consider 1 Corinthians 9:24-27, Hebrews 12:5-11 2. Discipline has negative attributes but is not inherently negative; discipline is used to keep one within proper bounds, involving positive affirmation when right is done and loving correction when wrong is done 3. Proverbs 13:24: love involves correction! 4. Proverbs 22:15: there is indeed folly in a child's heart, for he has no sense; discipline will show him the good from the bad 5. Proverbs 23:13-14: discipline will not kill; lack of discipline just might! 6. Proverbs 29:15: God's view of "hands-off parenting" 7. Part of discipline, of course, is being reasonable and praising children when they choose and do the right 8. It may not be pleasant now, but they will thank you later! D. "in the admonition/instruction of the Lord" 1. Parenting is not all about discipline, but also instruction! 2. Consider God's expectations of Israel 3. Exodus 12:25-27 a. Expectation of children to ask about the Passover b. Expectation of knowledge of meaning to describe it c. Expectation of recognition of God's power! 4. Israel forgot about God because they did not follow His Law and their children had no opportunity to learn! 5. Deuteronomy 6:4-8 a. God expected Israel to keep His Law always before them and in their minds b. Part of that was an expectation to teach children c. It is easy to teach your children when it is what you think about and act upon every day! 6. How sad it is when children know more about sports heroes of old, various mechanical and other skills, and other such things from their parents, and not the Word of God in text or practice! 7. Yes, God expects us to instruct children in His Word through family Bible studies and assembly attendance, but there is also the expectation of continual instruction in various real life circumstances! 8. The best instruction, however, is the lived life of a Christian (Galatians 2:20)! a. Children know how their parents are hypocrites! b. How can you expect your children to be faithful servants of God if you are not? c. How can you expect your children to avoid sin and do righteousness if you don't? d. If you share nothing but negativity regarding your own faith and the faith of others, why would you expect your children to have their own healthy faith? E. Parenting is not easy, but the rewards of good parenting can be great! V. Conclusion A. We have considered Paul's messages to children and parents B. Children are to obey their parents for their own good C. Parents are to guide their children through effective discipline D. Parents are to instruct their children in the Word of God E. Let us all be the children and parents God desires us to be F. Invitation/songbook Scripture, Meditation, and Application 1: Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right (Ephesians 6:1). Children of any age are expected to obey their parents; Paul says this is right and appropriate. Yet some have parents who are not believers and/or who make ungodly demands upon them: hence Paul says children are to obey parents "in the Lord," always putting God and His righteousness first (Matthew 6:33, Acts 5:29). May we whose parents remain with us obey them to the glory of God! 2: "Honor thy father and mother" (which is the first commandment with promise) (Ephesians 6:2). Paul appeals to the fifth commandment in Exodus 20:12, and we do well to remember it. Honoring parents is not just about listening to them while in their household! We honor parents by maintaining good relationships with them and providing for their needs in advanced age. Let us show honor to our parents as long as they live and not treat them as if they are disposable in their old age! 3: And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath (Ephesians 6:3a). Parental authority does not excuse or legitimate parental tyranny. Parents have no right to abuse their children nor to establish overbearing expectations. May parents raise their children in the grace and love of Christ to His glory and honor! 4: ...but nurture them in the chastening and admonition of the Lord (Ephesians 6:4b). Part of loving children is providing them with appropriate boundaries and guidelines for thought, feeling, and behavior; such is what "discipline" is. Likewise, parents must teach children according to what God has revealed in Christ lest they get their understanding of themselves and the world around them from the worldly culture in which they live. May parents nurture their children with appropriate boundaries and instruction so that their children may grow to follow the ways of Christ!